Mel’s Story

Mel’s Story

Mel’s Story

Overview

The depiction of “Mel’s Story” is intended to be both insightful and informative to all who read it. Be they people with lived experience themselves (like Mel), carers, family members, friends and all those professionals and support workers of people who endure what our Mel endured.

Mel’s journey met a tragic conclusion, and therefore her story is not portrayed necessarily as a story of “hope” in the literal sense.

What, however, we believe it will provide is a better “understanding” for all who read it of one young woman’s “journey through madness”, particularly in section two of the story written by Mel herself titled “Limbo, A Story of Depression”, which is a very detailed and graphic personal account of a large part of Mel’s tumultuous journey.

Mel was an inspiration to all who came in contact with her throughout her short life, even during her darkest years.

Mel is the inspiration in everything the MRF does and stands for.

We share with you this story of our beloved Mel and hope all who read it gain something from it.

That is what Mel would want.

“Mel’s Story” at this point, is presented in three sections.

  • Section oneOur Mel – Part One (Narrated by Mel’s Mum & Dad)
  • Section twoLimbo, A Story of Depression (Narrated by Mel)
  • Section threeOur Mel – Part Two (Narrated by Mel’s Mum & Dad)

Mel’s Poems

A flower may die…

The sun may set…

But a friend like you…

I will never forget..

Your name is precious…

It will never grow old…

Its engraved in my heart…

In letters of gold!

As each day travels by,
I wish that you weren’t here.
Cavernous and sunken,
And totally insincere.

You delve into my thoughts,
And you’re replacing them with pain.
As every step progresses,
You follow me again.

I want to be fulfilled,
Speak and act for myself.
But you never leave my side,
Not allowing mental health.

You’re the monster in my life,
Making it futile and ineffective.
I want to be left alone,
I have the right to be selective.
As each day travels by,
You’re causing me more pain.
I try, I cry, I die inside,
But there you are again.

I’m alert! Great! What now?
As positive as this sounds, its hell.
I don’t want to know what’s going on,
I don’t want to be awake.

The more aware I am,
The more sensitive I am to pain.
The more conscious I am of danger,
I don’t want to be aware.

I hear more that I’m at risk,
I notice more hazards, more threat.
The more jeopardy I’m in,
I don’t want to be alert.

My house is not safe,
The t.v’s message is menacing.
What was that sound? That whisper?
Awake, Alert, Aware.

Sedate me. Make me oblivious.
Ignorance would be bliss.
I want to be out of the count, out cold,
I don’t want to be here.

When I was lonely you crept up to me,
You took my trust you threw it back.
When I was down you sheltered me,
You appeared to cut the slack.

You seduced me when I was all alone,
plus showed me another place.
You protected me from imagined pain,
And shaded my burnt face.

You found your way inside my mind,
You claimed you protected me.
You scream of the forgotten race,
And try to make me see.

I deteriorate as days pass by,
My mind becomes more jumbled,
I will you away, I push for peace,
In the mirror, my face crumbled.

Everyday which ends with you,
Screaming in both my ears.
I feel a little less hopeful,
And often will turn to tears.

And then you cry for a little help,
To push me further down.
She pops right up, to assist you,
And adds to my deepest frown.

Now you all pull together,
To push me down all the more.
Once again I’m all alone,
And now I’ve hit the floor.

Every time I wake, I want to sleep,
Every time I wake I plead for peace.
Another day, a day of torment.
Another day, the hell won’t cease.

I plan for the most amicable death,
Where loved ones will not grieve.
I wish that people would understand,
That I no longer wish to deceive.

I want to shout and scream,
“Go away” do not speak, do not appear.
I will not stay, I am not safe,
I simply need to disappear.

Once I’m gone all will be at peace,
No anxiety, no hiding, no fear.
I dearly love those surrounding me,
But it is not safe for them to be near.

Each touch, each movement,
Every look and careful stare.
I obsess over to keep me sane,
I devour to know they’re there.

I protest all this love,
I grumble at their fears.
I want to die yet I know,
That just the thought brings tears.

They sometimes scream at me,
And occasionally they will swear.
But again this just tells me,
That they are there, they care.

I love them so very much,
I want them to be proud.
I try to stay sane and brave,
And above the evil cloud.

I call them Mum and Dad,
They mean the world to me.
I just wish they would know,
That their love I see.

Thanks guys.

Love Melly
xxx

Its hard to describe how I am,
I wish I could say i was great.
I look you in the eye, I try,
But anything good would be fake.

You ask if I’m being truthful,
If my pain was being overstated.
I wish I could say how much,
Torture, my life has created.

He says that I had ought to,
Hurt myself or harm will come!
He says that he will hurt you,
And that you had better run.

If I refuse to wound myself,
And ignore his threatening face .
Then God will be a menacing force,
The spirits and devil will race.

I can’t sit still, I cannot rest,
No one could say I was calm.
He won’t rest, nor will she,
Until myself I will harm.

I’m here all alone,
And the rains falling down.
I can’t even breathe,
There’s no one else around.

My face is a mask,
My eyes, they don’t blink.
Kill me now, drown my soul,
And that’s all I think.

I’ve tried all the meds,
I’ve cried my eyes out.
I’m hopeless, I’m dead.
That’s all I’m about.

I can but breathe.
To no-one can I talk?
My life and concord,
Are like cheese and chalk.

He shouts and she screams,
End your life, hurt yourself.
There’s no-one but them,
They don’t sit on the shelf.

They all say don’t listen,
Don’t react to the voice.
They say be yourself,
Like that’s even a choice.

My life is the pits,
Nobody could know.
How low and how dire,
Ron has made me go.

Too much of a risk,
I hear over again.
‘Nothing we can do’,
Just increases the pain.

They gave up on me once,
I, again, could not stand.
For you to end,
Your assisting hand.

Chorus
I cry and I cry,
But its never enough,
I try and I try,
But its always too tough.

To a very special girl,
Who’s made me smile and wished me well.
Without you my world seems bleak,
You’re loving and caring and oh so sweet.
You’ve loved me and protected me,
Replacing pain with harmony.
In life there’s nothing greater than friends,
To help you through those winding bends.
Merry Christmas I wish you well,
Lots of love, from your friend Mel xoxoxo

My eyes are sunken, my face is drawn,
My smile is fake and my attention feigned.
My position is unnerved, my hands, they tremble,
I avert my gaze, although zero is gained.

I look at my hands, all chewed and gnawed,
The skin is all worn and bleeding from eating.
The nails are ground, rough and patchy,
The tips of my fingers have taken a beating.

My arms are covered with thin white lines,
The remnants of years of using the blade.
There are white patches of cigarette burns,
The arm, mostly covered, has seen little aid.

My legs, they rarely cease their movement,
Up and down, side to side, they jiggle and shake.
I try to hide the blend of fear and anxiety,
A sane impression, I attempt to make.

My body is the expression of years of pain,
From top to toe and from eyes, to fingers…
The relics of hurt expressed through pain,
Stay rather than leave as the ache lingers.

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